Authors Note: Live is one continuous livestream of an influencer turned cult leader. Four things share your screen:

Plain text is the leader, talking to the camera.

^{[1,247 watching] = view count updating}

^{21:14 [glow_alyssa] : The live chat, scrolling while she talks.}

[Ambient action around the lader shows up in italics and brackets. Such as: Two bursts hit the rear wall]

LIVE: PART 1

CONTINUITY_CONSTELLATION/TCP:01_TCM/LIVE/PART_1: THE_WORLD_AND_THE_WITNESS:1247_WATCHING

Continuity Year 35

Hey Glow family.

I went live the second they fired. I need that on this stream right now. The federal police fired into the compound first. They fired first.

[Two bursts hit the rear wall of the building, high. The audio catches them as they land. Return fire from the room behind her, three rounds, fast. The phone propped in front of her shakes once, resettles. She does not turn.]

I want every single one of you watching to know that, because by morning they’re going to tell you we did and that will be a lie.

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^{21:14 [glow_alyssa] : OH MY GOD QUEEN
21:14 [manifestmom] : ARE U OK
21:14 [reciepts_only] : she’s already lying
21:14 [callthecops] : they fired bc you SHOT at them
21:14 [jsmith8842] : wait WHAT just turned on the news
Give chat a second to fill up. Pin yourselves. Drop your city. I love you all. I love you.
21:15 [glow_alyssa] : Adelaide
21:15 [manifestmom] : Manchester 💖💖💖
21:15 [kayleigh_aligned] : Toronto, but we are HERE in the compound!!
21:15 [soulsetter] : Phoenix 🙏}

Most of you have already seen what’s happening. I’m not going to walk you through it. The news has been running it for hours. You’ve seen the helicopters. You’ve seen the gate. There are a lot of people outside this building right now and none of them are here for the morning schedule. The federal police are out there. Probably the military by now. The full might of the law tonight, my Glow family. That is what they came for. We are what they came for.

^{[3,400 watching]}

^{21:16 [troocrimeaddict] : ok wait is this real or is she doing a bit
21:16 [glow_alyssa] : SHE’S REAL stfu
21:16 [troocrimeaddict] : i’m asking GENUINELY her last “live” was her crying about a brand deal
21:16 [reciepts_only] : its PR she does this every six months
21:16 [manifestmom] : look at the news in the OTHER tab it’s REAL
21:16 [jsmith8842] : fox is showing the building right now this IS real
21:16 [troocrimeaddict] : ok damn
21:16 [callthecops] : she shot a senator and now she’s livestreaming about it like its a vlog}

Some of you are watching from your couches. Some of you are with me, in this building, right now. I can see the door from where I’m sitting. The OG Glow are in here, my family, my hands and my feet, and I want every single one of you watching to know they are with me. We have always been together. We are together tonight.

I want to be the one to talk to you tonight before anyone else gets to. It is my narrative and I want to control it. No matter what they tell you later, I love you all. I’ve always loved you all. And tonight I’m going to tell you the actual truth, because I’ll be damned if I’m letting every hack with a podcast butcher my story for the next eighteen months.

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^{21:17 [glow_alyssa] : SAY IT
21:17 [kayleigh_aligned] : 🔥
21:17 [callthecops] : she’s about to spin}

Listen.

I know what they’re saying...

The ALLEGED abuse. The ALLEGED weapons cache. The ALLEGED sweatshops in the production rooms. The senator whose body will ALLEGEDLY be discovered under the meditation compound’s concrete floor.

^{[8,200 watching]}

^{21:17 [somebodyzuncle] : a SENATOR
21:17 [reciepts_only] : oh she’s just openly admitting it now
21:17 [callthecops] : ALLEGEDLY my ass
21:17 [glow_alyssa] : did u not hear the word ALLEGED
21:17 [kayleigh_aligned] : the hate in this chat tonight is INSANE
21:17 [soulsetter] : the hate is mostly bots tbf..
21:17 [soulsetter] : 💖 hold the line queen
21:17 [jsmith8842] : I am so confused right now what is even happening}

I’m protecting my peace. I’m not engaging. They’ve been coming for the Glow for years.

You’ve been with me through every smear cycle, every hit piece, every hater account that thought they were going to be the one. Tonight is just the loudest version. That’s all it is.

I refuse to give them any attention. I’m giving the energy to you, and our journey. We’re in here. They’re out there. Eyes on me, Glow family. Eyes on me. Do not look at the gate. Do not look at the helicopters. Look at me.

^{[10,400 watching]}

^{21:18 [glow_alyssa] : EYES ON YOU
21:18 [manifestmom] : eyes on you queen
21:18 [kayleigh_aligned] : channeling
21:18 [soulsetter] : we’re with you 🙏}

[A spotlight beam sweeps slowly across the rear wall behind her, right to left. The wash of it changes the colour temperature of the frame for one second. It catches her left shoulder, slides off, leaves. She does not turn.]

I’m sure you can see, there’s a window behind me. I’m not going to look at it. The light keeps doing this thing where it sweeps across the wall and goes away and comes back. You’re going to see that on the stream. I want to acknowledge it because I don’t hide from you. I never have. So you know the helicopters are out there. You know what’s out there. Cool. Moving on.

I want to tell you how I got here.

Like legit, ACTUALLY how I got here. Not the timeline-graphic version with the soft piano. You know the one. I made it. It has millions of views, it’s gorgeous, and it’s a bit of a lie. Not a big one, just some of my struggles left out.

^{[14,000 watching]}

I’m going to tell you tonight what it left out, because if I don’t, my Glow family, there’s going to be a true crime docuseries about me in the years to come and the actor playing me is going to get it wrong, and I cannot be at peace with that. She better be fucking hot too.

^{21:19 [glow_alyssa] : LMFAO
21:19 [manifestmom] : 😂😂😂
21:19 [soulsetter] : she’s not WRONG tho
21:19 [troocrimeaddict] : ok the casting joke was actually funny
21:19 [callthecops] : she’s making JOKES while a senator is dead
21:19 [kayleigh_aligned] : it’s called being CHARMING under PRESSURE babe
21:19 [newpost_alert] : wait WHAT senator
21:19 [troocrimeaddict] : keep up @newpost_alert there’s a body under the floor}

So.

Before the channel. Before the Glow. I was in such a dark place.

I know, a bit lame right? Every wellness influencer out there “started in a dark place,” I know how cliché it sounds.

Look, I wasn’t a total mess. I was that type of person who was still “functioning” if you want to call it that. I had a job, I turned up. I paid my bills. I wasn’t the triple threat I am now and OMG, wasn’t I a pushover.

Also, I was dying. Like, dying inside. Some of you in chat right now are typing I felt that. I see you. I’ve seen you for years.

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^{21:20 [kayleigh_aligned] : I felt that
21:20 [manifestmom] : I felt that
21:20 [soulsetter] : I felt that 💖
21:20 [glow_alyssa] : I felt that QUEEN
21:20 [rachi_b] : I felt that and I just got here
21:20 [troocrimeaddict] : ok she called the chat shot
21:20 [newpost_alert] : same
21:20 [jenny_chen_2002] : I felt that}

I have a photo of me from those days. I keep it on my phone in a folder I called Before, capital B. It’s a work photo, somebody’s leaving party at the office I’m not going to name, all of us crammed in for the shot. I’m in it. I’m at the left edge. One shoulder is already gone out of frame. And I’m looking at the people in the middle of the photo like I’m watching someone else’s life, because that’s what I was doing. I was passive and just watching the lives of those I envied.

I keep that picture. I look at it sometimes when I forget how far I’ve come. Which sounds like a TikTok caption, I know. It is a TikTok caption. I have sold three thousand mugs with that line on them.

And it is also true.

The fact that I have monetised it does not make it less true. Hold on to that as we go tonight, because it’s going to come back.

^{[28,000 watching]}

^{21:21 [glow_alyssa] : I HAVE THE MUG
21:21 [manifestmom] : I have the mug too 🙏
21:21 [rachi_b] : i have the mug holy shit
21:21 [callthecops] : the mug girlies are showing themselves
21:21 [kayleigh_aligned] : tell ur friends about the mug u sound sad
21:21 [newpost_alert] : i’m watching this on lunch break i’m SO invested}

And there was this thing my body used to do back then. When somebody finally talked to me in a room, when there was finally a question with my name on it, my face would arrive late. By a second. Less. But long enough that the person asking would soften their voice, oh sweetie, did you hear me, and ask again. And I’d have to do my face really fast to catch up. I practised in mirrors for years. You cannot fix it in a mirror. A mirror is something you’re ready for. A person isn’t.

^{21:22 [soulsetter] : OMG I have done this exact thing
21:22 [kayleigh_aligned] : the way my mouth literally JUST DROPPED open
21:22 [rachi_b] : sis are u in my head
21:22 [manifestmom] : I’m at work crying}

Look. Before I go any further. I’m going to tell you something I want you to hold against me later. There’s going to be plenty, trust me, this is the appetiser. I would do all of it. Every part of what I’m about to tell you. The parts that are going to make some of you unsubscribe before we hit part four. I would do them again before I would go back to being that girl at the edge of the photo. I’m not asking you to forgive me. I’m not asking you for anything. I’m not sorry. I’m not even close. I’m just telling you. This is who I am. This is who you came here to find. And tonight, my Glow family, tonight is what you have been with me for.

^{[35,000 watching]}

^{21:23 [glow_alyssa] : tonight is the night queen
21:23 [kayleigh_aligned] : I’M READY
21:23 [manifestmom] : we are with you 💖💖💖
21:23 [callthecops] : tonight is the night they finally arrest you bestie
21:23 [somebodyzuncle] : wait am i tho. am i ready
21:23 [troocrimeaddict] : OK this is wild. this is fully a sermon
21:23 [jenny_chen_2002] : i’m with u}

So. I started a channel.

Iconic origin story, I know. Wellness, of course wellness, because wellness was the one place you could land if you had no credentials, no producer, no money, no face that arrived on time. You needed something to recommend. You needed a voice. And you needed the stomach to keep showing up when nobody was watching.

Nobody watched for so long. I never talk about this part because it does not make good content. Months of it. Months of talking into the dark. The girl in the photograph would have quit week three. I didn’t quit. And listen, I have made probably twenty videos about how I didn’t quit, that is half my brand at this point, I am literally the poster child for the just don’t give up babe content cycle. I’ll be honest with you tonight: I do not actually know if not quitting was something good in me, or if it was just that girl, still standing there at the edge, still refusing to be thrown out. Either way she did her job. Look around. Look what she built.

Then I started cutting. I have a pinned video on this called How To Find Your Authentic Lane. It’s my most-shared content. You’ve probably watched it. Tonight I’m going to tell you what was actually under it.

^{[42,000 watching]}

^{21:24 [soulsetter] : OH
21:24 [kayleigh_aligned] : i know what she’s about to say bc i KNOW her}

There was a friend I used to film with at the start. She had a laugh that pulled focus right off me, and I envied it. Loud. Head back. The whole apparatus. And listen, Glow family, that envy was data. The envy was telling me. So one week I stopped tagging her in things. The next week I stopped booking her on shoot days. I never said one word to her about it. She never said one word to me. We are not friends anymore. I haven’t spoken to her in eight years.

I’m not going to say her name tonight because she does not deserve to be in this story. I want you to know I almost did, and the reason I almost did is deeply unflattering, and I am, of course, working on it with my therapist. The audacity, I know.

^{21:25 [glow_alyssa] : the audacity 😂
21:25 [rachi_b] : OMG i have done this with a friend
21:25 [callthecops] : she’s openly admitting to wrecking peoples lives
21:25 [kayleigh_aligned] : she’s openly admitting to GROWTH bestie
21:25 [soulsetter] : do not let the haters fight you ignore them
21:25 [manifestmom] : I HAVE DONE THIS TO A FRIEND
21:25 [manifestmom] : OMG I FORGOT I DID THAT
21:25 [manifestmom] : i need to call her
21:25 [jenny_chen_2002] : oh my god me too
21:25 [newpost_alert] : i have NEVER unfollowed someone faster oh wait i’m still here}

There was a thing I used to talk about. My mom. The way I talked about my mom did numbers I didn’t love. So I stopped talking about my mom on the channel. My mom is alive. My mom is a whole separate situation I am not getting into tonight. But I made that call. And I will tell you straight: I have never regretted it.

And there was a laugh I had. My laugh. The real one. Head back, the whole thing. I watched it back one time and I trained myself out of it. I literally retrained my own laugh because it did not film well. Look. I’m not going to apologise for the trade. I made it. I would make it again. Look around. Look what we built.

[A single burst, off-frame to the right, audible through the wall. The phone shakes briefly. The leader does not turn. Her left thumbnail is pressed against the side of her right index finger; the white mark of the pressure is visible at the edge of the frame, and has been since she sat down.]

^{[51,000 watching]}

^{21:26 [glow_alyssa] : LOOK WHAT WE BUILT
21:26 [kayleigh_aligned] : WE BUILT THIS TOGETHER
21:26 [soulsetter] : 💖💖💖
21:26 [somebodyzuncle] : i didnt build shit i just got here
21:26 [newpost_alert] : honestly tho she’s not wrong about the laugh thing
21:26 [rachi_b] : i’m scared
21:26 [troocrimeaddict] : ok i admit it i’m watching this all the way through
21:26 [jenny_chen_2002] : same}

Listen. I need you with me on this one because every single one of you has done the smaller version of this and I am not letting any of us off the hook tonight. None of those cuts hurt at the time. None of them. You don’t feel yourself leave. There’s no big moment, no last look back. There’s a Tuesday a few years later when something is genuinely funny and you reach for your laugh and you can’t find it. The file is corrupted. And you’re standing in this whole beautiful aesthetic life you literally built to be liked inside, understanding you did this with your own hands across mornings that all look the same.

The first piece of content that actually worked, I knew before the metrics knew. I’d been studying the algorithm for three years by then, I could feel a hit before the numbers came in. And I’m going to tell you something I have not let myself look at in years. The thing under the relief was not I won. It was, the door is finally open. Onto this beautiful room I had built to be liked inside. And I had not built anywhere in that room to sit down. I didn’t know what the room was for yet. You will know by the end of tonight.

^{[58,000 watching]}

^{21:28 [kayleigh_aligned] : 🙏🙏🙏
21:28 [soulsetter] : I’m channelling for you queen
21:28 [manifestmom] : I’m with you 💖
21:28 [somebodyzuncle] : wait what is supposed to happen at the end of tonight
21:28 [rachi_b] : i don’t know if im scared or excited
21:28 [glow_alyssa] : trust her
21:28 [newpost_alert] : ok actually this is fully interesting now}

Breathe.

OK so. I found the practice the way anybody finds anything now. Late, lying in bed, the phone the only lit thing in the room and my face the second.

I was three years in. I was burnt out on my own voice, which sounds like a mood and is, legit, a professional crisis when you do what I do. So I went looking for an angle. And I’m going to be real with you. I went down. I went down into the basement of the internet. You know the places. The forums under the forums. The books with the covers that tell you, immediately, that nobody respectable signed off on the person who wrote them. There was this man on one of those boards. A decade of posts. The board kept him like a town keeps the person it has agreed is a joke. I read his whole long run in one night with this very specific hunger you only get for something nobody respectable has put their hands on yet.

He had the right idea. Wherever he’s got to, I will be fair to him, because I built so much of what we have together on the back of a man a forum laughed at for sport. He had the right intuition. He just couldn’t prove it. He wrote like a man holding a live wire and describing the wire very carefully instead of letting go.

Here is the part. What I took off him was not belief. I have to be clear about this because the highlight-reel version of my life really wants me to skip it. I did not believe him. I went looking because I did not believe him. An idea you don’t believe is the safest possible thing to build a series on, because if it goes nowhere you were always joking, and if it goes somewhere you were always brave, and you get to find out which one you actually are in front of a hundred thousand people instead of by yourself in a room.

There was a flicker that first night. The one that knows that disreputable usually means false. I’d been training myself out of skepticism for three years by then, since the wellness pivot, since the mirrors. I put it down. And listen, my Glow family, the training was right. Every time I put that flicker down it turned out the flicker was wrong. Every single time. So when the flicker comes for you tonight, when you see something tonight you do not believe, do what I did. Put it down. Trust me. Put it down.

^{[70,000 watching]}

^{21:31 [soulsetter] : 🙏
21:31 [kayleigh_aligned] : I’M READY
21:31 [glow_alyssa] : we are here we are here we are here
21:31 [rachi_b] : wait what is going to happen tonight
21:31 [manifestmom] : she’s about to do something
21:31 [somebodyzuncle] : look at how many of you in the chat are saying yes to this
21:31 [somebodyzuncle] : do you guys SEE what is happening right now
21:31 [troocrimeaddict] : i see it
21:31 [newpost_alert] : i think i’m part of it tho
21:31 [jenny_chen_2002] : me too
21:31 [callthecops] : LOOK AT YOURSELVES y’all this is a cult LIVE
21:31 [glow_alyssa] : we know what we are babe ❤️}

I announced the series on a Tuesday.

I’m not going to read you the post tonight because, real talk, I would perform it, my mouth would do it without asking me, and you would hear me performing it. Tonight is not for performances.

But I’ll tell you this. The line I built the thumbnail around. The promise. I’m not going to say it out loud either, because I know some of you are wearing it on a t-shirt right now in this stream. I’ve seen your TikToks. I can’t do that to you. The promise was so much bigger than anything I had earned the right to make at that point. And I made it in my camera voice. The voice I built out of those mirrors and out of the corrupted file of my own laugh. I sounded like I knew. I was about to find out, in front of a hundred thousand people, instead of by myself. Those look identical and they are not the same thing.

^{[75,000 watching]}

^{21:33 [glow_alyssa] : I HAVE THE SHIRT
21:33 [manifestmom] : I have the shirt
21:33 [kayleigh_aligned] : I have the shirt i’m wearing it RIGHT NOW}

You don’t really commit to something until you’ve told a crowd big enough that taking it back becomes the story. I knew that. That’s why I did it where you could see. I couldn’t make myself test the idea alone in a room with no witness but that girl still half-living in the photograph, because she would have been so kind to me about it. She would have talked me down by morning. She would have called it sense. So I gave it to you instead. I put it somewhere my own hands could not reach.

I hit publish. And then I did the thing I’m doing right now. Look at my left hand. I press my thumbnail into the side of my index finger until the white mark comes up. I do this when the work is about to start. The body needs something to do with the energy. The comments came up. You came up. And the door I’d spent three years prying open swung shut behind me with me on the new side of it, and I stood there in the sound of it closing and I told myself the sound was applause.

It was not applause.

^{[78,000 watching]}

^{21:35 [soulsetter] : OH
21:35 [kayleigh_aligned] : OHHHHH
21:35 [glow_alyssa] : 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
21:35 [manifestmom] : do u guys know what’s about to happen
21:35 [rachi_b] : i’m here. i’m staying. i don’t know why
21:35 [newpost_alert] : me either but i’m staying}

That is where part one ends. Stay with me, Glow family. All of you. Eyes on me. Do not let go.

I’d tell you to breathe. I don’t think there’s time for both of us to.

Artist Link - Saturnids Art